my Velcro Heart

A ride

2007-07-07T02:04:00.000-07:00

Since when do I ride a bike? When it's important, because this time it is. I'm pushing really hard, but it doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere faster. My muscles ache, more and more, and more as we fly by cedar shingles and the curtained windows. What if I was going in the wrong direction. All this extra effort I'm putting in would only serve to create more work for when I would have to turn around.

That's what she's doing. Going in the wrong direction. I've been there before, with the water, and the fire, and the promises that don't make sense. I've got the photos under my arm, because she can't argue with them. She can argue with me but not with them. How can't you see the love in that smile? I was there.

A deep breath relieves the pressure on the lungs, and I miss the smell of patchouli.

"I have to show you something."

Hope in dress

2007-06-03T00:28:00.001-07:00

As the number flip by, higher and higher, hope seems to have been drown out by the corporate slogan. Petro-can. But there's some hope; sixty inches of hope in a white and green summer dress. Steps down from her ram 3500, she couldn't be bothered by the disparity that drains me while I desperately attempt to hide it and replace it with the same sun that beams from her smile.

The dream that she lives take me away. Somehow, she becomes innocent as she puts on that summer dress, as if the world could never mar her with the whips we know.

She fumbles with the cap as I walk toward her.

“I didn't think that could be your truck.”

I had to protect my eyes from the shining of the stars that stared straight back at me. Not even waning moons know to smile like that. The cap clicks as it rests in place.

“Enjoy the beautiful day.”

My neck feels cramped

2007-01-19T11:28:00.000-08:00

While hitching home to our humble abode in Black Creek the other night, I found myself on a remote road that connects the inland highway to the old island highway down here (Hamm Rd). It's almost nine now, and it's already quite dark. Probably half an hour from anything remotely resembling a large city; this kind of darkness is so thick that I can see the light pollution of Courtenay from a large enough clearing of trees.

After almost an hour of walking and driving now, and I'm tempted to start feeling sorry for myself until I realize I have been blessed more tonight than any for a long time. I finally look up to see more stars than I can ever remember seeing, and a big streak of stars so thick that it could only be the milky way flying from one skyline to the other! I was so captivated that I can't even really remember how long I walked before Trevor came and picked me up later on that night.

I really don't feel like ranting about how we ignore the beauty of nature, or how we need to praise God for his majesty in the things like this (granted those are both true) but something else that captured me that night. I felt nourished while my neck was bent backwards for what seemed like hours. The beauty that I got to behold seemed to fill something. It's like God made beauty for me to make me feel closer to him, or maybe to just let me experience it because he knows that's what our souls long for. I can't say it in any other way than that I felt like I was being sustained, nurtured, venerated...

New Pilgrimage

2006-12-20T15:52:00.001-08:00

Well, this new season of pilgrimage has led me to some interesting places lately. I've been considering the message of the Gospel a little in the last while, and it seems awfully too relational to ignore. The more I consider it as such, the less I can justify an angry disposition no matter the circumstance and the more I try to respond with love; whether it be a loud and obnoxious co-worker, or a muchly missed girl who I wish I could be with.

Along with this new season I have moved to the mountain. I seem to be spending most of my time with the un-churched. Now in some ways this can seem fruitless when your not waiving around a bible and checking off names on a list of converts, but I was recently encouraged by a random comment from Glenn, one of our bartenders.

"Graham, what is the key to happiness?"

"Well, I think it has to do with being content with what you have."

"Yeah."

"Umm, was there some sort of specific answer you were looking for?"

"Not really, you just seem like a happy person."

I'm not really sure if this means as much to all of you as it does to me, but that kind of surprised me. I think Glenn agreed with my point, but there was something in his demeanour that said much more. I think that he found a truth in me that we were able to come together over. These seem to be the truths that I think Jesus was concerned about. These relational truths seemed very important to him throughout the Gospel.

This is where my words fail me because I'm not really sure how to describe these relational truths. Maybe they are those words that people hear in our smiles, the truths people feel in our voice, the things people know from our embrace. Truth has never needed us to stand up and fight for it; in fact I'm sure He is more than equipped to defend himself. I want to introduce people to the person of truth in me and let that bring us together regardless of our religious background.

Mountain man Del

2006-11-29T01:27:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, I've delayed in announcing this via the bloggin community but I'm moving up to Mt Washington for the winter season to work up there. I'll be learning to snowboard and doing it a lot probably, so if any of you are gonna be coming up and either want someone to come along or a place to crash (or both) I'm sure I'm your man. If you don't already know my number, there's probably a good reason for that so you have to find that out yourself... creeper.

Community matters

2006-11-03T02:55:00.000-08:00

Since the diagnosis of the cancerous tumour we all knew it was coming. My Grandmother passed away on the 28th of October and the funeral was held on All Saints day, Nov 1st.

I'd imagine that you start to see the world in perspective when the end is in sight, and I believe that was true for my Grandma during these last few months. Sometimes I felt bad that it took a lump of cancerous cells on her ovaries to motivate me to go see her more often, but it didn't feel like placing blame was going to help, so I delicately laid my guilt to rest so we could concern ourselves with what really mattered. From my visits, it was clear what really mattered to my Grandma.

Recently I have been in a kind of church limbo. Regularly attending different churches but not calling any of them my own. I never thought of my Grandma as a particularly spiritual person, but it seems she knew the value of church community. Of all the things we talked about, the one thing that she never failed to ask was whether I had found a new church yet. I'm not sure whether or not she would have been so persistent in different circumstances, but if there was anything she wanted to have told me, she couldn't have been more clear than this. She knew the value of belonging to a church community, and desperately wanted me to understand that as well.

The last thoughts of my dying Grandmother for me were fixed resolutely on community in Christ. The least I could do is fix my thoughts likewise... any thoughts?

Eileen Hicks, 1918 - 2006

tale of the slightly absentee blogger...

2006-10-28T21:59:00.001-07:00

I'm not really sure if there are many people who check my blog all that often waiting for a new post, but recently I've had a few paradigm shifts that have slowed my blogging habit to a crawl.

It's hard to balance a bike if you're not moving. In fact it's easy to say "they lean too much left" and then they will say "they only say that because they lean too much right" and so the story goes. But the beautiful thing about a bike is that when you start moving, centripetal forces seem to help you balance in a seemingly effortless manner. To me, this balancing act of liberal/conservative, post-modern/modern, left/right, chocolate vanilla... I'm not going to say that it hasn't been fun, but it doesn't always get us further. It's not that I'm abandoning my ways of mind melding thinking binges that I've come to love and enjoy, but it's that I want to try and compensate for my natural tendencies to... well, think life to death.

So I guess maybe I've been a little short of "deep thoughts" (for lack of a better term) but I'll be back as soon as I find that natural state of balance on this bike of life (lol, that made me laugh out loud). Hahaha...

If Grace is true: Why God will save every person

2006-09-27T12:46:00.001-07:00

I heard about a book recently, and it grabbed my attention because it had a very interesting title: "If Grace is true: Why God will save every person." And at first I got a little angry because I felt like, if that were true, then what are we even doing here? I mean as Christians. If everyone gets to heaven, then what's the point? But to be honest, I gradually became even more disgusted with my own reaction than the title of the book...

How long have I reduced God's salvation for us to a free ride ticket to heaven? What was Jesus coming to save us from? What if he came to save how we love one another, or how we see ourselves, or how we love God? Didn't he come so that we might have life and to the fullest? Maybe he came to save us from that feeling of meaningless meandering about this earth. This is why I love Phillipians 2:12 so much now, salvation isn't some cataclysmic event that happens in one moment then is over, in fact the typical "conversion" is really just an introduction to the process of salvation. We are to continually work out our salvation!

So what does this make evangelism look like? What if we weren't simply trying to "save them from the fires of hell" but rather "helping them to unlock real life"? Maybe we need to change how we think of salvation.

This is hot

2006-09-09T13:23:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. This is just me saying that the hottest thing since the Great potato rebellion of 1266 has just started his own blog. Well... he's been blogging for a while but no one reads myspace blogs haha. Check him out!

On the pier

2006-09-03T23:01:00.001-07:00

There are always certain truths that I believe we will have to be constantly reminded of throughout our life, and I think I might have just been reminded again of one of those.

One handsomely dark evening, I found myself chatting with a friend on the pier about my thoughts, and about the beauty of community in spite of stark differences that seem to face us as Christians in the body. Although I rarely am able to see the error in my ways, I try to be open to the reality of my constant imperfection; and what I came to conclude had nothing to do with our dialogue directly but was so beautifully represented accidentally through that dialogue. As I listened to myself, I started to hear a hollow sounding voice that didn't resound the Truth that I was so dearly seeking after.

I'm not saying that I was wrong about everything I was saying, but I didn't feel any life in it anymore. Something that used to be a passionate throbbing in my heart for these ideas (and some might call ideals) had turned into nothing more than the very empty and heartless logic I was trying to fight.

Have I been ignoring the fellowship with his Spirit in favour of arguing my good ideas? Have I been neglecting the true nature of community with Jesus and His church in favour of arguing about it? Don't we all sometimes?

Fundy vs Pomo... next on UFC!!!

2006-08-20T16:39:00.002-07:00

Over the last few months, I've been brought to question my behaviour several times in the light of seeming somewhat heretical to some. Are they just getting over zealous with their fundamentalist weapons of mass judgment? or am I throwing my call to holiness to the wind in favor of some postmodern idealistic sentiments? And contrary to popular belief, this isn't something that I pretend to have completely figured out yet.

In typical Reid fashion though, I will call to a quote I read recently that sheds some light to my internal conflict.

While the holiness movement has put a great emphasis on the Christian’s need to live an righteous life—a life worthy of the calling they have received--I think perhaps we need to remind ourselves that our only true righteousness comes from Christ. If we’re really serious about doing the things Jesus did, then maybe we need to focus more on the incarnation, and less on its imitation.
- Spencer Burke

Two words stick out to me here, and those are imitation and incarnation. How often do we simply try to imitate Christ by acting out holiness in our actions? How different is that from what the Pharisees did? They did everything right and then felt challenged when the possibility arose that there was more to it than being "right." Do you act like the Pharisees did when you are confronted with someone who acts according to a different set of standards than you? Is imitation of Christ or the incarnation of Christ our end goal?

Farewell

2006-08-13T23:20:00.000-07:00

I'm officially stepping down from the leadership team of the Sidney Pentecostal youth group. It was an amazing eight years. I will also be finding a new church in Gordon Head were I can grow into community with the people I'm living with. The reasons are mostly personal but that's not to say that I won't tell you, but you'll just have to ask me yourself in person sometime. Maybe over coffee. The internet is just too impersonal for some things.

ps. I like it when people buy me coffees.

my Gut says "Hells yeah!"

2006-08-07T03:20:00.000-07:00

I love when for some reason my soul leaps for joy, but my mind can't find the words to describe it, or even better understand it. And this is the sensation that I get when I think about the three guys I'm going to be living with for the next portion of my life. Ben Badke, Cameron Courtney, and Trevor Robinson (in alphabetical order of course.)

At least I don't think I'm under the influence of their poetically lustful good looks... (because I can assure you they are all extremely beautiful young men) but there's something more. It's like we don't need to prove to each other what we are anymore. They don't let the things I do, define who I am. If I screw up, the first thing on their mind is what they can do to help, and the last thing on their mind is passing judgment. What do we gain from judging each other anyways? So why bother. We get judged enough from our jobs, our schools, our churches... Let's make some room for love. That's the community I'm excited to be a part of.

Roommates kick butt.

Personalized truth, or Personal truth

2006-08-01T00:28:00.000-07:00

When people have bombarded me for years with this idea that truth is a concrete unchangeable concept, and my post modern edge wants to think it’s different for everyone, I’ve been unable to reconcile these two opposing factions in my mind. It always seemed like one had to be right and the other had to be wrong. I’m not so convinced anymore.

Truth is not personalized to us, it doesn’t try to make us happy or be what we want it to be. But truth is personal.

As I was thinking about truth, and what Jesus meant when He said “I am the way and the truth and the life.” So Jesus is truth. Truth is personal. Truth is personal to each person it meets because Jesus knows that no one person is the same. Jesus was always the same person on earth, but he acted and treated different people differently. Truth never changes, but is always personal to every single person on earth.

So maybe when two people argue about truth, maybe they are really arguing about how they know the person of Jesus. Maybe they had different encounters with the same person? Maybe we need to approach truth as a person with a personality, not a bunch of rules written in stone.

So who's going to watch you die?

2006-07-26T02:07:00.001-07:00

" 'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said...

that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?.. "

, What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie

I had heard this song a dozen times before it clicked... and once it did I was blown away by my Father once again. How many ways can love be portrayed in such a powerful way as this. When I see love, I see the woman crying at Jesus feet because she can't find any other way to express this furious love for Him. Sarah sees someone holding a loved one's hand during their last minutes. Love is such an amazing thing that can be expressed in so many different ways, and I think I'm guilty of trying to equate it to numbers and formulas when I should really just spend some time in awe of it.

God created love so we could experience Him. Just as much as He created the mountains so we could see His majesty, He created this experience of love so that we could know Him deeper through it. I want to know love. Spend some time in awe of this thing of love. What do you see?

Back

2006-07-23T23:35:00.001-07:00

I am now back from camp, and I can say that I'm glad I'm home.

I have learned so many things already, but I feel like I'm seeing two things and don't understand how they fit together yet. One thing that God has shown me is that we only need to please Him. We can't seek after the approval of anyone else but our heavenly Father. But there's this other part of me that seems to yell even louder that I need the attention of people. Not everyone, but sometimes certain someones. There's nothing that could convince me that this desire isn't real in me.

So on one side, I feel like I'm drowning in the burning awareness that we were created to be in community with others, and I cannot quell this desire to be a part of that. Yet this needy sort of thing seems to contradict the fact that I need to seek after God's approval and no longer the approval of man. It just doesn't seem to completely vibe with me... how about you

What is real anyways?

2006-07-13T02:47:00.001-07:00

I was having a conversation with an old friend about life and where we've come from and where we're both headed, and at some point in the conversation, the term "real" started being thrown around. Now this is something that I am guilty of quite often. You know those people, they are just very real... but in trying to explain this to someone else, I realized that I'm not even so sure of what I'm talking about.

So is being real just always being honest and not being a fake? Or does real have more to do with being in tune with God's rhythm of life, living life how it was meant to be lived? I've been throwing this word in front of all sorts of other things to make it some sort of better. I could probably explain to you what I usually mean when I say real in reference to someone else, but when I kept describing my own life experiences and my efforts of just trying to be real... I fell short.

Help me out here.

Back from the City & Colour

2006-07-09T18:00:00.001-07:00

We've been passing through the mountains now for about four hours when a conversation erupts. The backseat is talking of past flames of all sorts, with a kind of casual familiarity; as if we should all be familiar with it. I don't intrude as to not seem like a tourist in the car, but it makes me painfully aware of myself for a little while. I've never been that kind of person, you know, the kind of person who has endless tales of silly relationships or people that were especially fond of me that I had to "let down easy" you know. And that's always been a popular topic to bring about self awareness in my case; I’m just not really the biggest ladies man I guess you could say. I start wondering about why I might not have had all these people wandering through my memories to add to the conversation.

This is the part where I put down my pious mantle of awesomeness to admit that I'm not perfect. Have you ever started to become very aware of your brokenness? Like you’re not put together right and the way that feels natural really isn't the right way. I think everyone does from time to time.

This is the silly part of my tale, because I start to think about all the things that I do that people don't like. How could I change myself to create a more suitable person to be on a girls’ arm. As I'm thinking about all this, to further my purposes of adding to this explosion of stories in the backseat, I very quickly realize that I'm heading down a very inwardly focused road. I guess there's nothing wrong with bettering yourself, but it just seemed like I was missing something and my focus needed fixing. So now I'm left with a broken image of what I feel like I'm supposed to be, and for now, I think I'm sort of ok with it.

I feel like I just want to meditate on it is all. Something doesn’t seem right but I don’t know what.

Am I just a machine that wasn't put together properly and needs some repairing? Is it as simple as finding the right pieces and putting them in the right places and I'll be a "good" person? But for some reason that doesn't seem like it'd be good enough...

Reality has a well known liberal bias

2006-06-30T01:13:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I look back at how I was. Sometimes it seems like I did less "bad stuff" than I do now, or whatever you right wing politicians want to call it. But follow my meandering thought process as I consider a few things...

I saw a kid at the intersection of Saanich and Blanshard the other day, and he had a sign that showed a burger and fries. I could have argued for days on how he could just as easily go and spend any money i give him on drugs or alcohol. Or maybe how he should just go get a job like everyone else. I would have never had a problem driving right on by him and would never have even felt a hint of empathy, but just the other day I found myself considering how I would be feeling if I had nothing. What if I was forced to such a desperate act of begging on the street and trusting on the generosity of others to fill my stomach.

And this is what I have come to consider... I think I was plagued by a different sort of sin. A kind of sin that the world has taught me to so cleverly cover up. It was the sin of contempt of others. It was the sin of unforgiveness... and the list goes on. They were attitudes that I so deviously convinced myself were justified.

This day though, I was moved to consider how I would hope to be treated if I was in such deplorable state of poverty. I decided to show that I care about him more than the five dollar bill in my pocket. I didn't worry about what he was going to do with it. All I can be expected to do is show to him that I value him as a person and can empathize with his poverty. I can't extend him love with the conditions that he must go purchase a value meal at some fast food joint. We have been given love unconditionally and I should hope that I can give him that as well.

That was wordy and I admire you if you are still reading... but I felt like I really wanted to give an example of the sins that I was ignoring for so long. That's just an example though. And these sins I was brushing under the carpet seem just as plentiful (if not more) than these new ones that I am seeing. But you know what? I feel like I'm living in an arena of sin that I have a chance against. I am becoming more and more aware of my sins and the things that I want to change about myself. I am now convinced that being generous whenever possible is a better way to live. I am convinced that loving a person without any sort of agenda is a better way to love. I feel like when I sin now, I'm no longer fighting blindly but am making leaps and bounds and finding the person I've been created to be.

Does that make sense to anyone?

The Blowers Daughter

2006-06-21T01:39:00.000-07:00

I think that the book I'm reading right now is dangerous to the health of my normal life. I jumped into "Through Painted Deserts" the other day while I was hanging around at the West Arm Grill for Cam's last day. I'm less than a third of the way through, and he hasn't really told me anything about anything, but I feel like things just make more sense now than they might have before.

So while I read this book, I'm more and more leaning towards this preference of mine to just live life and stop worrying about what is ok and what is not. Life is not about following rules, life is about living and rules were only meant to make it more comfortable. But the more I let life take me away, I start to see some parts of me that sometimes do things that I not a big fan of. But the interesting part is, I doesn't make me feel like a horrible person. It sort of makes me want to find that part of me I haven't surrendered yet, and give it over to God so that I can continue really and truly living.

Does anyone else ever feel like they've just been being the person they feel they're supposed to be and not the person they feel that they are? I'd hate to avoid the real me in some silly hopes that I will be able to avoid my real problems.

Sooo alone

2006-05-21T22:11:00.001-07:00

I don't think I can ever remember being quite as alone as I feel this weekend. Why does everyone disappear at the same time? ooor get a job at a hotel and start doing graveyard shifts? This is my emo post for the month, sad sad sad.

Who sees it anyways

2006-05-17T15:25:00.000-07:00

One of the coolest (next to J-ro) people on the planet have finally started to blog. No... it's not Shrek, but Reid Miller himself! Check it out if you know him. And then check it out if you dont know him. Yes, that adds up to all of you if you can't do the math, so what are you waiting for?

... still waiting?

New shwag!

2006-05-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm almost positive I've been abusing the term "shwag" lately, but I hardly care if this is shwag or not because it's just soo cool! hehe...

It's my new phone and you all are allowed to start drooling immediately. Me and my music are invincible as a team, except when I get pulled over for speeding...

So a word to everyone who might be driving with me anytime soon. Since my deck hasn't been in the functioning state as of late, I haven't been listening to music while I drive. This has caused a significant decrease in the speed at which I generally drive cuz, well see, I get veeeeery into music I love. My heart starts racing, my head starts rolling, my feet start moving, all to the intensity that is pouring out of the artist. I can't help it, and I would hate to loose this love of music.

Does anyone even know what I mean? Just this emotional response that speaks soooo much more than any lyrics or book ever could, I can't get enough of it. That's what really makes good music good. But if you do notice me going slightly over the posted limits while listening to my music (now that I have some) pleeeeeeeease let me know!!! Let's put it this way, I got pulled over enough to notice that my music was distracting me in the past (if your lucky I'll tell you about when I got pulled over for singing without any music.)

Existing vs. Living

2006-04-11T15:10:00.001-07:00

It's not often that we find governments anywhere trying to mimic the actions of Nazi Germany, but recently a "High Government Official in Europe" had the nerve to compare the Dutch government to the Nazi's.

Did you think that abortion had a weak case? Well, child euthanasia seems to be the next step and it's becoming legal in the Netherlands. Basically what is happening is that they are providing a service to have deformed or retarded babies "compassionately" killed. How can you "compassionately" kill a baby!? But no matter how disgusting I think this is, I can't help but shake my head and admit that it's where our entire society is heading isn't it?

How can you make a decision to give a man the death penalty? How can you decide to kill your unborn (or now completely born) baby? It seems like people are trying to assign value to people as if they are just another investment. Is this person worth keeping around? How will their existence benefit (or harm) me? I'm not sure this kind of black and white analytic perspective is the way to go people...

First of all, I sort of want to know how everyone else feels about this because my head is so full of thoughts that I'd hate to bore you with it all here (we'll do that in the comment thread, haha.) But I would like to propose a thought. I will always say that I stand for life and life to the fullest, but if I start saying that being "alive" is the same as having "life" as a blanket statement, it seems like I would be making the issue just as black and white as the people I accused of assigning "value to a [persons]" life.

Have we ever considered that simply being alive isn't at all the same as having life? I stand for life, but more specifically, the life that Jesus brought when he saved me. If I started saying that physical life on this earth is the only life that mattered, I would feel like I was devaluing everything that the martyrs did. Wasn't the life that Jesus brought so much more than just being alive on this earth? I think we need to realize that being alive, and the life that Jesus brought are two very different things, and I will only stand for one of those if it comes down to choosing.

Less wrong, more right

2006-04-04T03:09:00.002-07:00

I read this article a while ago and I laughed. It's funny how we can become so sure of something but time and time again, science "proves itself wrong". Well... not really wrong, just not as right. Anyways, it's an interesting read if you care about our current state of global warming.

a Notepad... yeah, one of those

2006-04-04T00:00:00.001-07:00

I've decided that I have about a million thoughts a day to be sharing with my wonderful audience in this exciting world of 0's and 1's... but I swear I'm cursed or something! I keep forgetting what I had so masterfully formulated in my noggin to post. So maybe I should get a notepad? hehehe, someone give me a note pad for my... umm... belated 21st and 1/4 birthday? ya, hehe that's it.

Anyways, I have started my new quarter now friends and I was quite excited to turn over a new leaf with my new classes... until... I checked my transcripts from last quarter!!! ewwww....

Ok, it wasn't that bad. It's not like I failed anything but I did get a C+, and that's not very usual Delbert style at all. So I'll have you all know that I'm almost completely proficient in convincing myself of pretty much anything that I really want to. Whether that means I'm in fact the world's leading jelly bean chef (no one has yet to challenge me!) or that grades aren't really as big of a deal as I think they are because, when I get my technologist certification it's all the same. Well, I guess friends have been taking more of an importance on my give-a-damn scale and school has been sinking quickly.

Until this point in the blogging process I wasn't really sure why I was talking about this, but I think I've even outsmarted myself this time! I think that the mighty Delbert who is capable of unknowingly outwitting himself needs other people that aren't influenced by his intellectual prowess to clear up this fallacy (or fact?) Where should school fall on my give-a-damn scale? Because relationships and community have deffinitely been consuming some of my attention lately... that doesn't sound so bad? Fellowship and community are very important to me... hmm.

Dropping like flies

2006-03-30T00:27:00.000-08:00

I might have to stop posting whenever someone new starts a blog, but it's so much fun right now so you'll all have to put up with it! haha.

The new drew man on the block (aka, new youth pastor) has reluctantly succumb to the darkside of the internet known as the blogger net! From what I gather it'll be for youth/young adult info and discussion for the sidney variety out there. Represent over there if your a part of the sidney crew.

My sister joins the dark side!

2006-03-29T18:06:00.000-08:00

I'd like to officially welcome my big sis Avaleigh to the blogger network and everyone should go and say hi cuz she's just that cool! (notice she's the only one who has earned an exclamation mark on my blogger net list ----------> )

Untitled

2006-03-29T13:08:00.001-08:00

Hey guys. I had a little bit of time out after quarter finals here, and went to Vancouver and such but now I'm back and I might just do a little bit of a rant on happenings to bring everyone back up to pace with the wonderfully exciting life of Delbert (hehe, I'm not full of myself... really I'm not!)

First of all, something very exciting happened recently. I am now officially the worship leader for Nanoose this summer! I have a funny feeling that I have very little scope of everything that this entails, but I am anticipating God blowing me out of the water in a few new ways. That's definitely something I've figured over the years is that if you don't let God take you somewhere you don't feel comfortable, growth is a very slow process. But let's take a moment to be completely honest...

I was at school, probably avoiding doing some real work, when Ira gave me a ring one fateful day. We talked, it was wonderful (how can talking with Ira not be wonderful?), and then he asked me if I wanted to lead worship at Nanoose! Hrmm, wouldn't I be ecstatic? For some reason I wasn't right away. My mind went straight to excuses why I wouldn't be able to make it... co-op commitments, warped tour, two cool kids moving to australia... I regret giving Ira such a negative vibe at all now in retrospect.

Maybe I'm afraid of letting people down? For a while I felt like since Adison and Lane moved to Australia, we just weren't the band that Ira was expecting anymore. Maybe we are, maybe we aren't... but that's sort of a mute point now though I think. Sure we won't be rockin the house the same way we did, but God let me in on a little secret; He wasn't surprised that Adison and Lane went to Australia, and He had this planned out for a long time now.

i know.. i know

2006-03-18T21:37:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, I just wanna officially appologize for not blogging in ages. It's not like stuff isn't going on over here or anything. I'm just going crazy with school and final exams and such... so hopefully after my exams are done (march 24th is my last one) we shall let the blogging begin again!

Until then, check out some of the other blogs I have linked over there on the right ----->

Church defined

2006-03-03T09:54:00.001-08:00

I'm constantly wondering what church was supposed to be, because I can't be convinced that "Church" as we know it is what God completely had intended. And in my journey, I came across a refreshing definition. The church is...

"[Christ's] body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way"

One of God's plans for his church is to fill everything in every way!? Ok, that seems pretty huge, let's scale that down right? He couldn't be serious... can the church do that? Hrmmm, God never really has been worried about what we're "capable of" has he, why would He start letting that worry him. So the burning question in me is what does that look like. Maybe sort of like the early church when they shared all they had caring for every need among them? Sounds like a very real physical interpretation. The worlds also full of spiritual brokenness, and we're here to fill that. But what does this look like for Sidney.

And the part that takes me away is "who". Who is being referred to? Jesus Christ? Possibly, and maybe even probably. What about the church? So maybe "who" isn't either Jesus or the Church, but both? I think we should take this very personally and really consider what needs filling on earth. Where can we pour His love out, how can we extend His grace? So I ask again for anyone who has any ideas, what does this look like for you? for us? for the church?

Let's re-boot Church

Eph 1 : 15-23

Shallownessinishnesssss

2006-02-22T09:16:00.001-08:00

Ok, time for some self righteous preaching. I get soooo annoyed when I meet shallow people. Sometimes they are nice and stuff... But there's something that I can't quite overlook about them, and somehow it makes me more self conscious because I think they are judging me from my appearance. Not that I'm generally very concerned with my appearance (the little bit that I am we can blame those people for) but I feel like dropping down one of my self-righteous condemnations and telling them who's right (me of course!)

That being said... I think I've noticed an interesting aspect of "shallownessinishnesssss" in myself. It's sort of hard to tell because I've always pretended to be so down on shallow people and such that I'd hate to think I've been a hypocrite all these years. But this is what I'm talking about. I've had a lot of time to think about the kind of girl that I'm looking for, and...

I'm pretty sure that I would don't want to start dating a smart girl.

Hmm... That did sound about as bad in type as it did in my head. It's not like I'm looking for a bimbo or some sort of simpleton, but for some reason I don't really think I would want to date a really smart girl. I'm kind of competitive about my intelligence sometimes if you haven't noticed, and I think that the person I spend the rest of my life pursuing needs to let me be the brains. Now that being said, she can be an amazing writer, or artist, or athlete, or cook (mmmhmmm) or whatever else she is and I would absolutely love that, but is it shallow to not want a really intelligent girl? I hope not...

ps. i'm not hate'n on smart girls... I just might not want to marry them!

Why is this so weird?

2006-02-15T02:16:00.001-08:00

Take a second and look at this...
What is it that makes this picture so captivating? Maybe it's just someone messing with people because those are all thought provoking words in general. Or maybe it sort of says that all these parts of life aren't as separate as we might want to believe... or maybe not? hehe

Talk to me!

2006-02-13T00:08:00.001-08:00

This weekend has been insane for me!

There have been some awesome times of wickedness and fun that were sooo cool and should deffinitely happen again.

There have been moments of such extreme annoyance that I almost felt like the people that I normally rely on to be constants for me seemed like they were my enemies.

How I have come to such a state of peace after all such transpiring is so amazingly beyond belief that I would have laughed at you for even suggesting it might happen not more than a few hours ago. I would like to send out a message to everyone that is equally as frustrated as I was (trust me, I don't think you could have gotten more frustrated). No matter how much the world seemed to be against me, how every force of nature seemed to be yielding it's powers against my efforts, and no matter how much I set myself up to be the victim of the situation, somehow talking with people calmly and lovingly seems to have cleared every single little crazy thought that the enemy would have thrown at me to derail me! I am so incredibly thankful that I have people around me that are willing to talk with me about... well just talk!

Now this has led me to ponder for a while; How can I become better at talking this kind of thing out with people even when I feel as if I'm the last person they'll ever want to talk to? I had to write this down somewhere or else I'd forget this amazing sensation of peace that I'm experiencing right now... so does anyone have any ideas?

Tagged?

2006-02-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if this is what it means to be tagged... but whatever it is, WERNER DID IT TO ME! check out his blog cuz he's the Cat's Pajamas when it comes to bloggers!

Four Jobs I've Had:
>Panago delivery type person
>Recycling pickup driver guy
>Stockerish guy for Slegg lumber
>Resolution Specialist for AT&T

Four films I could watch over and over again:
~Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
~Constant Gardener
~Witnesses
~Romeo & Juliet

Four Places I've lived:
~Sidney
~Sidney
~Elsewhere in Sidney
~Somewhere else in Sidney

Four TV Shows I Love:
-The OC
-Family Guy
-House
-Ummm... the news?

Four Places I've Vacationed:
(never vacationed anywhere all that exotic)
.:.Calgary (pretty much a cowboy now)
.:.Ukraine (but that was for a missions trip)
.:.London (only for about a day)
.:.Yay Coons!

Four of My Favorite Foods:
}Casadillas
}Tacos
}Baked goat cheese with roasted garlic
}Veal cuttlets?

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
`www.camosun.bc.ca (well, i am a college student now)
`www.joystiq.com (cuz i'm a closet geek)
`www.google.com... a mans gotta search after all!
`www.homestarrunner.com!

Four Albums I Like Alot:
!They're Only Chasing Safety - Underoath
!New Medicines - Dead Poetic (please finish your new album!!!)
!Sometimes - City & Color (mmmhmmm Dallas i love you)
!In Love & Death - The Used

Four Cars I've Owned:
> White 1985 Toyota Corolla
> I rode a scooter once...
> Good'ol faithful etnies
> Oh, I crashed a Honda CRV once too

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:
~Australia
~Hmm, not Spain.
~Bristol? yes
~In bed... goodnight

Convince me

2006-02-07T17:45:00.001-08:00

Well, it's no secret that the bible was written by real people, and even more specifically to real people. So God inspired letters, and historical documents, and all sorts of things that we now call “the Bible”. But people still wrote it… and last time I checked, we're not perfect yet.

Paul finds it important enough to specifically mention in 1 Cor 7 that it is “I, not the Lord” who is about to speak.

So what I’m getting at is that I’m not being convinced here of the establishments perspective of the bible being a mystical book that popped into existence from no one but God's will. But I’m not entirely sure I need to be…

God's word has so much more depth than the words in which are chosen to be displayed in print on a page. It’s poetry that carries the heart of the living God in and through it. Sure sometimes a little bit of clarity can be found by understand what word for Love was being used, or how many times it’s mentioned in the new testament… but I’m way more concerned with how God feels about what I’m reading. I’m far more concerned with what the Holy Spirit is going to tell to me while I’m reading, because just like it says in 1 Cor 7 : 11 – 14, only the Spirit of God knows God’s heart.

But we can get in on it.

Poetry in Motion

2006-02-07T14:19:00.000-08:00

This is something I found while rummaging around in my blog today. I think I wrote it sometime in February, and I'm not sure why I never posted it. Hopefully someone enjoys it.

When your reading T.S. Eliot, you can read word by word and find the most accurate definitions of the words used and logically and systematically define every single one of his works and what was exactly intended. And any English major or fan of his works would say you massacred it... because you probably did. Poetry is an art form that surpases many barriers that the english language has created. There is a flow, there is a feeling, there is so much more than you could define in a dictionary (or concordance). A poem might say one thing to one person, and another to the next. Poetry isn't only about sending a message like "Love is fleeting" or "Joy conquers", but so much of what makes poetry beautiful is that it reveals something about human nature in yourself. As you peel the words away, you start to see your humanity, your frailty, your pain.

Even the simplest person can walk into the Sistene Chapel and be amazed by the wonder of the massive paintings across the ceiling; Yet someone else who studied Michelangelo and dug deeper could come to appreciate this art in a whole new way if they knew that he had spent four years of his life on his back, day and night, painting to see this vision come to life. How much does a simple little fact like that reveal about his determination and passion?

Have you ever considered what God was feeling when he was wrestling with the isrealites in the desert? Did you ever stop to think what message God hoped would be sent when he gave us the imagery of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? There is a real person behind the words when Eliot says "Let us go then, you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky"; There is a loving God crying out for a broken and lost people when he gave us his word.

“For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God” --

Questioninginging

2006-02-05T00:02:00.001-08:00

Ya know what's sort of funny... I'm getting annoyed with my relationship with God. I have been neatly formed into this mould that we've been creating in "Church" for years . You listen, you accept, and you live. Now I'm starting to see that this mould doesn't really fit with God's plan for people, and I've got some good role models from the word that seem to agree with me.

David, to me, is one of the best examples of someone wearing his relationship with God on his sleeve. How much of the Psalms were of David crying out in anguish and not understanding what was going on and why things were going the way they were? He never just accepted things and said "Oh, I must have been a bad boy and deserve it... oh well!" Come on, that's not the David we know and love! He hardly ever shut up about that kind of stuff, and I am not led to believe that God was annoyed with David's rantings. How would it end up taking up so much of the Bible? There's something here God's trying to tell us...

Back to me for a moment though. I find myself in situations every day that I don't always understand or enjoy, but I've been conditioned to accept that everything is how it should be and that my perspective must be wrong. Things aren't always how they should be... that's a part of our call to bring heaven to earth; If heaven was already on earth, then that would seem a little silly wouldn't it? Shit happens because we're a fallen people. Now that doesn't mean God's not here with us through it.

Back to David; Amid his rantings and ravings, he questions a lot of things. How will our understanding of God ever deepen if we don't ask questions. Facing our doubts about how things are, who we are and even who God is helps God lead us to a more intimate relationship with him.

It feels like I'm unable to question God. I feel as if I'm telling the creator of the universe that He had it wrong and that I have it right, but that's not how it is at all! That can't be right... how do I find the kind of intimacy and closeness that David had with God if I can't even question him. I don't think that's how it was meant to be. It just can't be. So I hope I'll have some sort of update on this journey of mine, but I feel like I'm a baby at this questioning thing... hopefully God will teach me a thing or two sometime soon.

Challenges and Growth

2006-01-17T00:14:00.000-08:00

Rob Petkau, my pastor, has recently stepped down from his role as the youth pastor of Sidney Pentecostal Church and has stepped into a new stage of God's plan for him and Jaime. I love Rob and I will miss him as my youth pastor.

"God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."

That's something I've always believed and I think God has just proven that again. He's called me (at least for a short time) to step into a part of the role that was left empty when Rob resigned. So not only am I worship leader extraordinaire, I am now a part of the three person team designed to stand in the leadership vacuum until further notice. Until further notice? Hrmm...

I am as excited as (or maybe even more than) most about what God is going to do in the near future for the youth at Sid Pen, but paired with that is a bit of the good old fear of the unknown. Since the whole situation has arisen quicker than I have been able to process it, I'm still working on that. How long can three people pretend to be one? Not that I don't love Mike and Matt (my other halves in this adventure) but we are not the same people and do not have the same mind. I think that one hundred times more important than the details that need to be dealt with, is the communication and unity of the leadership right now. What happens when we run into something that we don't agree on? What happens when I'm wrong but they don't tell me? Some questions like these have already been answered, but I'm still full of unknowns. For the most part, I think that as long as we share what God's putting on our hearts, God will sort out the consequent parts. But that still leaves, what is this painting of youth ministry going to resemble when the dust settles?

I certainly wouldn't have been my own first choice for this responsibility, but I seem to have been God's first choice. I do look forward to the many challenges that I see in the future. Challenges bring growth and I could always use some of that.

Hiroshima

2005-12-10T01:42:00.000-08:00

What's the worst idea since the a-bomb? Try and challenge a saved man that he can't do anything that God won't forgive him for. Not since the invention of air-hand-dryers has there been a folly so grand as to think that anything would inspire a man like a challenge would.

So what comes next? I can't step up to that kind of a challenge can I? Of course not. But why has that thought hounded me lately. Maybe it's leading up to some sort of epiphany? I don't know really; All I do know is that there's no way this could be God, unless he's trying to just explain to me a little bit something new about his forgiveness that I didn't get before. That sure would be a weird way of approaching the issue God...

... but he's done weirder... maybe he's calling my bluff? haha...

Check it out! hehe, sorta cool

2005-12-05T21:42:00.000-08:00

Found this on my cool friend Ange's blog! check it out

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	delicious
Your hugs are...	friendly
Your eyes...	twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...	irresistable
Your smell is...	amazing
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	one of a kind

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Resistance is futile! You can't resist my touch!

Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
Gender?
How will you commit suicide?	You will slash your throat
How many tries will it take?	31
When will you commit suicide?	March 6, 2027
What will your suicide note say?	I wish there was another way ..

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Radical Love

2005-12-05T19:43:00.001-08:00

A woman who is renown in the area for being a sinful woman, probably a prostitute, finds Jesus at a Pharisees house for dinner. I don't think that this woman is planning on going in without being recognized... Everyone knows about her unscrupulous activities. But she doesn't let that tear her away from her passion.

Most people, when confronted with how they will express their worship and praises for God, sing some polite songs, maybe raise their hands, do some pretty dances. So this woman loves Jesus; she could just catch Jesus on his way out and say "Oh by the way, I really Love you." Jesus could just as easily nod his head and walk away saddened because he knows love is more than well meaning words. I can mouth the words, I can even make some actions to go along with it or play guitar to make it sound nice. Does that mean that's enough?

That wasn't enough for this sinful woman. She took an entire jar of perfume that was more than likely worth more than her life, and poured it out on Jesus' feet. Then she began to weep and used her tears to wash his feet, and when she needed something to wipe them off with, she used her hair. She had to throw everything that she had down for Jesus because there was no other way that she could express her love for her saviour. She even had to swallow her dirty reputation in front of the religious leaders to even be with Jesus. That's radical love, radical worship. How can I be satisfied with singing a pleasant song, or filling the status quo.

How can you express your radical worship to God? What does it look like? Close your eyes and imagine some of the ways that could possibly come close. Would you be standing? Kneeling? Dancing? Naked? What does it look like for you. Ask God to show you, maybe He'll show you.

More on Love?

2005-11-06T22:54:00.000-08:00

Stop me if you don't agree with what I'm saying. God doesn't love me because of all the great things I've done; He doesn't love me because I've earned his love; He doesn't even love me because of the gooderer songs I sing in worship. God just loves me because that's who He is; He is Love. Ok, so that makes sense to me fine.

Now we use God's love as an example for our love right? So we don't love Him because of what he did, we love him because of who he is? So... if I understand correctly, I don't love my God because of what He did on the cross for me? I don't love Him because He forgave all of my transgressions? Why do I love Him then? After all these years, I've heard preachers preach about all the great reasons that mean we should love our amazing God. Summer camp after summer camp has convinced me that it's only fair for me to love Him because he died for me. What does this all mean then?

A good husband doesn't love his wife because he gives her flowers. A good wife doesn't love her husband because he gave her flowers. That's a language of love, not love itself. God's language of love was death on a cross. But we can't use that as a crutch. God loves us because He is love and not because of what we've done. He even loved Hitler, and I hope it wasn't because of what he did. How do I live in love? Do I become love? How can I love like God loves, when he is love and I'm not? I don't even know... Any ideas anyone?

Show it up!

2005-11-01T01:24:00.000-08:00

Hey, it's been a while since I've posted anything. Maybe that's because we're rolling into midterms... maybe it's because I've forgotten that I even have a blog... maybe it's because we've got a show on the 26th that we gotta write some songs for? The world will never really know.

But on that thought... SID PEN, NOV SAT 26th!!! A rock show to shake the foundation of our culture! Or maybe just the foundation of sid pen? hehe, either way it's gonna rock and you all should come out. It's only $5 and there are gonna be some wicked bands there; umm... well I can't remember their names, but we're just some no names that get to open for them!

And this whole band thing is really startin to groove with me more and more every day. I've never felt the kind of creative juices that I do now when we're just sittin around and jammin in our basement. I really want to learn to express myself so much better through writing like that. It's like a whole other world of communication. It's like talking, because you use words just like talking, and it's like writing because you put it down on paper... but it's something so much more than both of them put together. I don't even know how to explain it yet... so I won't.

I Concede...

2005-10-13T00:40:00.000-07:00

Apologetics are almost an artwork for some people. Such elaborate moves of grace and precision remind me of the finesse that you might see on the ballet stage. And for anyone who knows very much about me, I really enjoy being right, and whenever possible I try to be right...

... even when I'm wrong.

When I say something inconsiderate and apologize, there's a little bit of me that wants to say "Oh, but this is why I had to do it!!! No really, it was hardly even my decision!" Often, an apology can be accompanied by such subtle manipulative excuses to almost make the apology into an accusation. That makes me less wrong, right? Hrmm... that was too easy.

Think about it in love. When I apologize, I can't apologize for them; I apologize for what I have done and forgive for anything that is left to forgive. Something I've been trying to do in asking for forgiveness is purposely put aside my "excuses". Why hash up all the reasons that I think make it less my fault? Why say, "Oh I'm sorry, I was busy over here" when I could actually just apologize for what I was doing; "Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't being a very good listener; please go on". Why make it easier for the enemy to sneak his way into my words? Why not make it clear what I really mean? Why throw the blame on someone else when I can only apologize for myself?

It's harder than you might think! Biting your tongue can be one of the hardest things to do (after all, it is a venomous snake). I challenge anyone brave enough to try it. Make your apologies sincere and not laced with hidden accusations. Come on... say it...

I concede.

Sponge replacement theory

2005-10-06T00:19:00.001-07:00

I figure, if I don't show up for my classes tomorrow and instead just leave a dry sponge on my desk, I would be better off. And hey, I can just pick up the wet sponge at the end of the day? Because that's what I feel like, nothing more than a sponge to be thrown around by my profs! Oh my... holidays used to be a joyous occasion when grade school children would leap for joy and frolic around the park singing jingles... weren't they? Seems like now, my teachers insist on cramming that missing lesson as well as the current days lesson all into one fabulous time of learning! What a fantastic idea right? wroooooong. My brain feels like it's reached its saturation point, but the more they throw at me it just keeps getting stuffed up there.

Please weekend, find me soon, before it's too late for me... and this "holiday" better be worth it...

Why love?

2005-10-04T16:45:00.001-07:00

Over the last few months God has been challenging in love. Loving someone that I don't want to love. I would love to hate him actually. My flesh produces jealousy which feeds hate. My flesh loves hate. Is that me? Is that Satan? I don't know sometimes. I don't want to think that's me. God made me and he didn't make me like that did he? Hate disgusts me yet something in me still hates...well at least it still disgusts me...

Jesus said that the greatest commandment was this; "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." I'm starting to think that it's not just coincidence that this command is followed by his command to love each other (our neighbours). Loving my neighbours has started first by loving my God.

The only part that I have to yet deal with is the issue of forgiveness. I can't love and not forgive and neither can I forgive but not love. But the dawn awakens and I need some zzz's... forgiveness will have to wait.

hehehe...

Some sort of beginning

2005-10-03T23:47:00.002-07:00

As I'm sure it is to everyone during their first post, it is equally new to me and it will most likely become fairly obvious that I don't have any particular writing talents. Although, I do hope to have something worth sharing everyone once and a while.