A ride

Since when do I ride a bike? When it's important, because this time it is. I'm pushing really hard, but it doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere faster. My muscles ache, more and more, and more as we fly by cedar shingles and the curtained windows. What if I was going in the wrong direction. All this extra effort I'm putting in would only serve to create more work for when I would have to turn around.

That's what she's doing. Going in the wrong direction. I've been there before, with the water, and the fire, and the promises that don't make sense. I've got the photos under my arm, because she can't argue with them. She can argue with me but not with them. How can't you see the love in that smile? I was there.

A deep breath relieves the pressure on the lungs, and I miss the smell of patchouli.




"I have to show you something."

Hope in dress

As the number flip by, higher and higher, hope seems to have been drown out by the corporate slogan. Petro-can. But there's some hope; sixty inches of hope in a white and green summer dress. Steps down from her ram 3500, she couldn't be bothered by the disparity that drains me while I desperately attempt to hide it and replace it with the same sun that beams from her smile.

The dream that she lives take me away. Somehow, she becomes innocent as she puts on that summer dress, as if the world could never mar her with the whips we know.

She fumbles with the cap as I walk toward her.

“I didn't think that could be your truck.”

I had to protect my eyes from the shining of the stars that stared straight back at me. Not even waning moons know to smile like that. The cap clicks as it rests in place.



“Enjoy the beautiful day.”

My neck feels cramped

While hitching home to our humble abode in Black Creek the other night, I found myself on a remote road that connects the inland highway to the old island highway down here (Hamm Rd). It's almost nine now, and it's already quite dark. Probably half an hour from anything remotely resembling a large city; this kind of darkness is so thick that I can see the light pollution of Courtenay from a large enough clearing of trees.

After almost an hour of walking and driving now, and I'm tempted to start feeling sorry for myself until I realize I have been blessed more tonight than any for a long time. I finally look up to see more stars than I can ever remember seeing, and a big streak of stars so thick that it could only be the milky way flying from one skyline to the other! I was so captivated that I can't even really remember how long I walked before Trevor came and picked me up later on that night.

I really don't feel like ranting about how we ignore the beauty of nature, or how we need to praise God for his majesty in the things like this (granted those are both true) but something else that captured me that night. I felt nourished while my neck was bent backwards for what seemed like hours. The beauty that I got to behold seemed to fill something. It's like God made beauty for me to make me feel closer to him, or maybe to just let me experience it because he knows that's what our souls long for. I can't say it in any other way than that I felt like I was being sustained, nurtured, venerated...

New Pilgrimage

Well, this new season of pilgrimage has led me to some interesting places lately. I've been considering the message of the Gospel a little in the last while, and it seems awfully too relational to ignore. The more I consider it as such, the less I can justify an angry disposition no matter the circumstance and the more I try to respond with love; whether it be a loud and obnoxious co-worker, or a muchly missed girl who I wish I could be with.

Along with this new season I have moved to the mountain. I seem to be spending most of my time with the un-churched. Now in some ways this can seem fruitless when your not waiving around a bible and checking off names on a list of converts, but I was recently encouraged by a random comment from Glenn, one of our bartenders.

"Graham, what is the key to happiness?"

"Well, I think it has to do with being content with what you have."

"Yeah."

"Umm, was there some sort of specific answer you were looking for?"

"Not really, you just seem like a happy person."

I'm not really sure if this means as much to all of you as it does to me, but that kind of surprised me. I think Glenn agreed with my point, but there was something in his demeanour that said much more. I think that he found a truth in me that we were able to come together over. These seem to be the truths that I think Jesus was concerned about. These relational truths seemed very important to him throughout the Gospel.

This is where my words fail me because I'm not really sure how to describe these relational truths. Maybe they are those words that people hear in our smiles, the truths people feel in our voice, the things people know from our embrace. Truth has never needed us to stand up and fight for it; in fact I'm sure He is more than equipped to defend himself. I want to introduce people to the person of truth in me and let that bring us together regardless of our religious background.

Mountain man Del

Hey guys, I've delayed in announcing this via the bloggin community but I'm moving up to Mt Washington for the winter season to work up there. I'll be learning to snowboard and doing it a lot probably, so if any of you are gonna be coming up and either want someone to come along or a place to crash (or both) I'm sure I'm your man. If you don't already know my number, there's probably a good reason for that so you have to find that out yourself... creeper.

Community matters

Since the diagnosis of the cancerous tumour we all knew it was coming. My Grandmother passed away on the 28th of October and the funeral was held on All Saints day, Nov 1st.

I'd imagine that you start to see the world in perspective when the end is in sight, and I believe that was true for my Grandma during these last few months. Sometimes I felt bad that it took a lump of cancerous cells on her ovaries to motivate me to go see her more often, but it didn't feel like placing blame was going to help, so I delicately laid my guilt to rest so we could concern ourselves with what really mattered. From my visits, it was clear what really mattered to my Grandma.

Recently I have been in a kind of church limbo. Regularly attending different churches but not calling any of them my own. I never thought of my Grandma as a particularly spiritual person, but it seems she knew the value of church community. Of all the things we talked about, the one thing that she never failed to ask was whether I had found a new church yet. I'm not sure whether or not she would have been so persistent in different circumstances, but if there was anything she wanted to have told me, she couldn't have been more clear than this. She knew the value of belonging to a church community, and desperately wanted me to understand that as well.

The last thoughts of my dying Grandmother for me were fixed resolutely on community in Christ. The least I could do is fix my thoughts likewise... any thoughts?

Eileen Hicks, 1918 - 2006

tale of the slightly absentee blogger...

I'm not really sure if there are many people who check my blog all that often waiting for a new post, but recently I've had a few paradigm shifts that have slowed my blogging habit to a crawl.

It's hard to balance a bike if you're not moving. In fact it's easy to say "they lean too much left" and then they will say "they only say that because they lean too much right" and so the story goes. But the beautiful thing about a bike is that when you start moving, centripetal forces seem to help you balance in a seemingly effortless manner. To me, this balancing act of liberal/conservative, post-modern/modern, left/right, chocolate vanilla... I'm not going to say that it hasn't been fun, but it doesn't always get us further. It's not that I'm abandoning my ways of mind melding thinking binges that I've come to love and enjoy, but it's that I want to try and compensate for my natural tendencies to... well, think life to death.

So I guess maybe I've been a little short of "deep thoughts" (for lack of a better term) but I'll be back as soon as I find that natural state of balance on this bike of life (lol, that made me laugh out loud). Hahaha...