I love when for some reason my soul leaps for joy, but my mind can't find the words to describe it, or even better understand it. And this is the sensation that I get when I think about the three guys I'm going to be living with for the next portion of my life. Ben Badke, Cameron Courtney, and Trevor Robinson (in alphabetical order of course.)
At least I don't think I'm under the influence of their poetically lustful good looks... (because I can assure you they are all extremely beautiful young men) but there's something more. It's like we don't need to prove to each other what we are anymore. They don't let the things I do, define who I am. If I screw up, the first thing on their mind is what they can do to help, and the last thing on their mind is passing judgment. What do we gain from judging each other anyways? So why bother. We get judged enough from our jobs, our schools, our churches... Let's make some room for love. That's the community I'm excited to be a part of.
Roommates kick butt.
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A little part of my heart that I think is worth sharing
11 comments:
he he yeah we dont judge him but whats this about "our job" funny thing is that your the only one with out one! hahha
well out of the bunch I only know Cam, but I'd say it sounds like you'll have a good time.
As for the idea for a road trip in the VW van (don miller style?) well we're going to have to not, however I can come to Sidney...hippy-esque enough?
I'm afraid the majority of hemp I own is necklaces...so um, Im thinking it may be a bit skimpy if its just that haha. I'll stick with earth tones and flowy things.
Do you remember? Iron sharpens iron. We need to call each other on mistakes made.
So there is a time for judgement. Judge how you would like to be judged. Basically it isn't saying don't judge. But you will be judged nthe same measure that you do judge.
So if you did screw up, yes, it's good that the first thing they wonder is how they can help, but I would hope that their second thought would be a rightful rebuke of some sort (I don't mean come down on you, but more encourage you to use better thought processes before acting and such). Make sense?
I've only ever met one person who has even come close to what I think you're describing Steve, and they hardly even mentioned what I had done. They spoke with me about the things that were hurting in me, the things that were broken in me. I think those were the things that lead us into such "mistakes."
Everyone else who has tried has come off either as a self righteous, or insensitive. Or both.
So I don't think that "judging" is the word I would use. Why not address the issues that really need addressing in the person rather than rebuking them and expecting them to figure it all out.
I couldn't agree more with your last statement Graham, I think it's a lot easier for someone to recognize and adjust their errors when approached in love and understanding, rather than being rebuked. It's also nice when our friends are willing to be vulnerable enough to accept who we are and walk with us when we screw everything up, it sounds like your roomates are something like that, happy to hear it :)
I don't mean rebuke as in reem them out.
I would agree with what you are saying. However, say, lets call him Bob is struggling and is stressed out about something. So what he does is he goes to a bar and gets drunk, comes home waisted, pukes on everything and wakes up in the morning.
A good friend would probably clean it up, not because they want to, but because it would stink and it's been like that all night. It would be an act of servanthood yes. However, I know that I would not let Bob get away with what he had just done and just say to him, "Everything is alright." I think that a good friend would really just say something to the extent of, "The was completely wrong and uncalled for. I know you know it's not right, so why did you do it?" And go from there. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that. It's being upfront, it can be judgemental, but for the most part it's not. Someone telling you that you are doing something wrong, and actually being specific about what you're doing isn't judging, selfrighteous, or insenstive. It's stating the truth. It's not preaching. It's stating a fact, and looking for a reasoning.
"If you approach someone about something they've done wrong, and they don't listen, get someone else to come a long and see if they listen then. If they don't listen then, take them to a leader, if that doesn't work, take them to the church... etc."
Am I preaching to the choir or what?
I also think that sometimes rebuking and leaving some one to figure thing out helps in some situations. THey need to work things out for themselves, but they won't start until you tell them what's going on.
Now, of course, there's something key to keep in mind. I would say Rebuke would be higher up on the scale if the person is involved in leadership, and less emphasis on the 'trying to help them ' (or at first anyway) because that person should recognize the responsibilities of leadership etc. Yes you do help them get to the root of the problem if you can.
And if the person is not in leadership, rebuke would lessen, and aid in finding the problem would ensue.
Does that make sense?
i guess all i was trying to say was that it's a matter of attitude that you bring. we need to be bringing an attitude of love no matter what "facts" we discuss or "truths" we bring up.
but i would like to mention that just stating the "facts" without compassion and understanding can often be very insensitive and self righteous. so i guess all i'm doing is repeating myself but it's a matter of attitude we bring. someone could say "That was wrong and completely uncalled for" in both a loving and unloving way. so it's less about the exact words but your heart.
it doesn't seem like we're dissagreeing with each other as much as expressing different sides of the same story, which i like.
I agree.
Attitude is massive.
Have you noticed though that despite how many people you can be open minded with and look for the deeper, you always have that one person who gets under your skin, they consistantly do things wrong in order to either spite you, or to simply, 'have fun'? You can do your best to try and be compassionate, do your best to listen, yet they won't talk?
What do you do about those people? Just let them live and either get caught up in thier folly, or what? I'm so lost because there is one guy in my life whom to forgive, and to try and show compassion is not impossible, but undesirable because it's always shoved in my face (I Know to keep forgiving, but it's just so friggen hard)!
I deffinitely think that i almost know exactly what you maybe sort of really mean? hehe. When I thought I had figured out forgiveness (because I deffinitely thought I had it figured out), I soon discovered it's like re-learning it each time...
One thing I try to remember though is instead of trying to "forgive them" as we traditionally think about it, i try to remember to love them, and really wish the best for them (even if they dont want it for themselves.) if you continue to value their humanity over their actions, and really love them despite what they are doing, then maybe them doing things (seemingly in spite) becomes less of a frustration and more of a motivator for compassion and prayer? but then again, maybe this is just a bunch of altruistic idealism, but love seems to answer a lot of different things to me.
I see what you mean.
You know what I notice about the bible? It seems that the command to love is often referred to as Christians as idealistic. "I want to love everyone, but I can't. The bible is idealistic." I've heard it once or twice. I've heard multiple variations...
What if we're supposed to live an idealistic lifestyle? (that's going on the Quanswers blog!)
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