I Concede...

Apologetics are almost an artwork for some people. Such elaborate moves of grace and precision remind me of the finesse that you might see on the ballet stage. And for anyone who knows very much about me, I really enjoy being right, and whenever possible I try to be right...

... even when I'm wrong.

When I say something inconsiderate and apologize, there's a little bit of me that wants to say "Oh, but this is why I had to do it!!! No really, it was hardly even my decision!" Often, an apology can be accompanied by such subtle manipulative excuses to almost make the apology into an accusation. That makes me less wrong, right? Hrmm... that was too easy.

Think about it in love. When I apologize, I can't apologize for them; I apologize for what I have done and forgive for anything that is left to forgive. Something I've been trying to do in asking for forgiveness is purposely put aside my "excuses". Why hash up all the reasons that I think make it less my fault? Why say, "Oh I'm sorry, I was busy over here" when I could actually just apologize for what I was doing; "Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't being a very good listener; please go on". Why make it easier for the enemy to sneak his way into my words? Why not make it clear what I really mean? Why throw the blame on someone else when I can only apologize for myself?

It's harder than you might think! Biting your tongue can be one of the hardest things to do (after all, it is a venomous snake). I challenge anyone brave enough to try it. Make your apologies sincere and not laced with hidden accusations. Come on... say it...

I concede.

Sponge replacement theory

I figure, if I don't show up for my classes tomorrow and instead just leave a dry sponge on my desk, I would be better off. And hey, I can just pick up the wet sponge at the end of the day? Because that's what I feel like, nothing more than a sponge to be thrown around by my profs! Oh my... holidays used to be a joyous occasion when grade school children would leap for joy and frolic around the park singing jingles... weren't they? Seems like now, my teachers insist on cramming that missing lesson as well as the current days lesson all into one fabulous time of learning! What a fantastic idea right? wroooooong. My brain feels like it's reached its saturation point, but the more they throw at me it just keeps getting stuffed up there.

Please weekend, find me soon, before it's too late for me... and this "holiday" better be worth it...

Why love?

Over the last few months God has been challenging in love. Loving someone that I don't want to love. I would love to hate him actually. My flesh produces jealousy which feeds hate. My flesh loves hate. Is that me? Is that Satan? I don't know sometimes. I don't want to think that's me. God made me and he didn't make me like that did he? Hate disgusts me yet something in me still hates...well at least it still disgusts me...

Jesus said that the greatest commandment was this; "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." I'm starting to think that it's not just coincidence that this command is followed by his command to love each other (our neighbours). Loving my neighbours has started first by loving my God.

The only part that I have to yet deal with is the issue of forgiveness. I can't love and not forgive and neither can I forgive but not love. But the dawn awakens and I need some zzz's... forgiveness will have to wait.

hehehe...

Some sort of beginning

As I'm sure it is to everyone during their first post, it is equally new to me and it will most likely become fairly obvious that I don't have any particular writing talents. Although, I do hope to have something worth sharing everyone once and a while.