Sometimes I look back at how I was. Sometimes it seems like I did less "bad stuff" than I do now, or whatever you right wing politicians want to call it. But follow my meandering thought process as I consider a few things...I saw a kid at the intersection of Saanich and Blanshard the other day, and he had a sign that showed a burger and fries. I could have argued for days on how he could just as easily go and spend any money i give him on drugs or alcohol. Or maybe how he should just go get a job like everyone else. I would have never had a problem driving right on by him and would never have even felt a hint of empathy, but just the other day I found myself considering how I would be feeling if I had nothing. What if I was forced to such a desperate act of begging on the street and trusting on the generosity of others to fill my stomach.
And this is what I have come to consider... I think I was plagued by a different sort of sin. A kind of sin that the world has taught me to so cleverly cover up. It was the sin of contempt of others. It was the sin of unforgiveness... and the list goes on. They were attitudes that I so deviously convinced myself were justified.
This day though, I was moved to consider how I would hope to be treated if I was in such deplorable state of poverty. I decided to show that I care about him more than the five dollar bill in my pocket. I didn't worry about what he was going to do with it. All I can be expected to do is show to him that I value him as a person and can empathize with his poverty. I can't extend him love with the conditions that he must go purchase a value meal at some fast food joint. We have been given love unconditionally and I should hope that I can give him that as well.
That was wordy and I admire you if you are still reading... but I felt like I really wanted to give an example of the sins that I was ignoring for so long. That's just an example though. And these sins I was brushing under the carpet seem just as plentiful (if not more) than these new ones that I am seeing. But you know what? I feel like I'm living in an arena of sin that I have a chance against. I am becoming more and more aware of my sins and the things that I want to change about myself. I am now convinced that being generous whenever possible is a better way to live. I am convinced that loving a person without any sort of agenda is a better way to love. I feel like when I sin now, I'm no longer fighting blindly but am making leaps and bounds and finding the person I've been created to be.
Does that make sense to anyone?
5 comments:
yes and no... and no you don't know me..
your last line " i feel like when i sin now, i'm no longer fighting blindly but am making leaps and bounds and finding the person i've been created to be.."
that one confused me a weebit... seems sorta like either a strange contradiction in syntax or a very radical theology.
either way i appreciate your thinking on these issues...
i think acknowledgment of humanity or lack of, (specifically in relation to the poor, sick, smelly, drunk, drugged up, gay, disabled, hiv positive, etc,) has been one of my worst struggles... constant failure to reach out in love and give more than money or cheap lines often equates to something nothing short of pharisaical living.
relationship.
grace.
hope.
and
Love.
peace man.
keep writting.
Jeffrey.
ps.
www.ansloos.blogspot.com
www.jeremypostal.blogspot.com
I love your writing
And it totally makes sense to me, I work with prostitues in st.pauls, one of the most deprived areas of england..its bloody amazing how God has shown me himself in those situations...and i get mad too at first, i don't understand why women would live that sort of life, and you wouldn't like to know how it made me feel about men!but basically God gave me a bigger perspective, if we love with no agenda we see it...we see their story and why they have ended up where they have. It makes me wanna cry for them,which is what i think God does sometimes. I think journeys like yours are kinda like mine..and i think God is teaching you something...keep learning dude...and the more we deal with the problems inside us we can better help the problems of others, peace
Well, in terms of "radical theology" i'm not really sure what you mean. I didn't really mean that I see sin as a good thing. It's more like I'm using my sin to expose the parts of me that need refining, need purifying.
I would much rather live in a continual process of sinning and repenting than living in ignorant sin.
ps rae, "loving without an agenda" was an idea that was planted in my heart at the age of 16 and I don't think I've really started to learn what it means until now... and I love it
"I would much rather live in a continual process of sinning and repenting than living in ignorant sin."
and this is radical.. and awesome.
cs.lewis said something similar once.. it's in mere christianity. he makes reference to a man and his grave sin and his feeling shame for it... and then makes reference to a women and her seeming perfection.. he said that the man was closer to god because he felt conviction whereas the women did not even realize her sin.
interesting man. i really like your writing, very talented indeed.
hey and thanks for stopping by mine.
have a good one.
jef
G, I am sorry. I keep forgetting that you blog, and I keep not reading. But when I do, I keep thinking that I am missing out by forgetting. I have put you in my favorites. I have no excuse.
"I am convinced that loving a person without any sort of agenda is a better way to love."
I can't say it any better than that. Thank you. For saying it so well. Thank you for getting it.
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